


There’s No Such Thing (As Useless Life Experience)

by LadyPJMoon



Category: yoonmin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Boys In Love, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Falling In Love, Gay Male Character, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Denial, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:47:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9109264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyPJMoon/pseuds/LadyPJMoon
Summary: Park Jimin and Min Yoongi are in love but Yoongi believes he’s too broken for the perfect angel so he’s kept the young dancer at a distance for the last four years.  Until this Christmas Eve when Hoseok teams up with a drunk Namjoon to lock the unsuspecting duo in Yoongi’s bedroom with Chinese takeout and plenty of lube and condoms and an order from the leader to, “Shu...da...fuk...hu-nggg...fix...yur...shhhit..."Or...Jimin brings Yoongi Chinese takeout but the rapper doesn’t believe he’s worthy...of Jimin’s love.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [OTP](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTP/gifts), [Yoonmin_OTP](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Yoonmin_OTP).



> Mature language, sexual references and connotations, alcohol consumption, gay relationships, bisexual reference, love, fluff and all things Yoonmin for a Festive Holiday Season ^___^ PJ

 

 

Min Yoongi was in his bedroom struggling with a composition—lyrics have always come to him like angels, through his dreams, waking him with seductive kisses—finding the right melody is nothing like that...it’s an agonizing process in which he can feel his soul wither with every failed attempt.

 

He’d been ensconced in his room for roughly two days when an instant messenger notification popped up on his computer screen.  
  
“Open door, talk...”  
  
Yoongi frowned as he typed his reply, "Go AWAY!”  Fuck, he hated to be interrupted when he was this damn close...  
  
“Door”

 

“Open”

 

“Now”  
  
Yoongi rips off his headset with a growl as the next three messages popped up in succession— _Fuck, fuck, double fuck_ —stomping loudly across the room.    
  
The rapper's not in the mood for this shit and Kim Namjoon knows damn well not to disturb him when he’s in _the zone_.  
  
He yanks the door open as a very startled Park Jimin is thrown off balance and propelled past him into the room from the force of it—arms, legs and Chinese takeout cartons sprawling across the floor in a very typical, Jimin-esque-train-wreck-of-a-mangled-heap fashion.  
  
Yoongi closes his eyes briefly, inhales deeply and counts to ten—he makes it to a _healthy_ three—before Namjoon’s inebriated slur bounces off him, “Gi!!!  Jeez-us...sstAWp! Tis Cris-muss Eeev...duh fukk?” 

 

The ebony-haired rapper opens his eyes grudgingly—a drunk Namjoon is always a good time—easier to tolerate when you’re just as fucked, but enjoyable nonetheless...because slowing down that supercomputer brain of his to give the rest of us morons time to board, even for a short trip is, in a word, **_fucking amazing_** (yeah, I know that’s two words—review the moron statement...)

 

Yoongi exhales the breath he was holding, eyes narrowing on the somewhat sober and smirking Jung Hoseok, before they slip over his shoulder to Jimin’s prone form—eyes lingering on the beautiful boy and scattered mess littering the floor of his bedroom.

 

For a moment Yoongi ponders how much farther he has left to fall before reaching rock bottom or if he’s meant to remain in this suspended, freefalling state for the rest of his natural, goddamn life...because honestly, he didn’t think he could be anymore fucking whipped than he already was, but what the fuck did he know? 

 

That thought was a solid reality, roughly five fucking seconds ago—at least before he saw Jimin’s perky ass on the menu—along with what smelled like, General Tso, Peeking Duck and Beef and Broccoli.

 

Yoongi’s traitorous body pushes away all thoughts (and smells) of the **holy** Chinese sustenance hanging in the air around him—as it promptly places an order for the Korean delicacy—the one known to cause cardiac arrest due to its highly addictive properties...Park Jimin.

 

What the actual fuck?  His brain didn’t even get him anymore—why couldn’t he put an end to this insanity, he was driving himself closer and closer to the edge, it wasn’t Jimin’s fault—the younger boy was an unblemished cheonsa (angel)...

 

As soon as these thoughts crossed Yoongi’s mind he felt himself slip further toward the void—why was he even resisting anymore—he should just launch himself over the cliff into the chasm...put an end to this infernal suffering.

 

So yeah, obviously he’d only reached another plateau on his swift decline into the _‘Jimin Zone’_ —and with his current rate of dissent, God knows why all of his internal organs haven’t imploded by now, or some bizarre shit— **and as a sidebar** , why was Yoongi continually singled out by the mother fucking universe to be epically fucked over in this life...for fuck’s sake, who the hell was he in his previous life anyway, Satan’s accountant?

The older boy bites his bottom lip and blinks hard trying to pause his internal chaos and salvage a modicum of self-control.

 

This is not a life-altering surprise, Yoongi knows he’s steadily losing ground in this war, he’s been flanked on two opposing sides and losing incrementally on both fronts—he’s got it—he’s living on borrowed time...he should probably **do** something about it...unfortunately, he’s at a major loss as to **what** or **why,** and fucking **how...** in the name of all things holy, _how_ can he even think about _tainting_ such an ethereal creature as Park Jimin?

 

Yoongi releases an audible sigh, the emotional and physical forces pull at him, the danger signs flash repeatedly inside his head as constant reminders, and now—seeing Jimin at his bedroom door, seconds ago, the rapper believes he’s plucked the last straw...the proverbial one which (without doubt or surprise) will break the Yoongi-camel’s back.

 

It’s been a pretty even bout and the outcome is sure to surprise even him—Yoongi’s not sure if it will be his dick or his fraying emotions to undo him first—but, if he were to take a wild-ass guess he’d have to go with his feelings...he couldn’t seem to process any of them.

 

Fuck, all these emotions did were pull and push him around like a goddamn ragdoll—the way his stomach clenched, roiled and flipped whenever Jimin was around made him feel like vomiting—he hated fucking carnival rides...fucking hell, feet on the goddamn ground please!!!   

  

Yoongi saunters across the small room, dropping to his knees beside the younger boy—intending to help Jimin up, “Yah, for a _brilliant_ dancer you sure are fairly clumsy...” 

 

Jimin just stares at him—he’s beyond flustered—still reeling from the fall... _wait, did Yoongi hyung just call me brilliant?  Wow, I must have hit my head..._

 

Yoongi places one hand on Jimin’s arm and tucks the other behind the younger boy’s neck and tugs—but Jimin wasn’t ready and he didn’t help so all Yoongi accomplished was to jerk the younger boy into his chest.

 

Jimin was so close to him that Yoongi could feel the ragged exhale of warm air from Jimin’s lungs puffing across his face—the intimacy of the situation sets his blood on fire—and Yoongi slams his eyes shut against the dizzying feeling.  
  
A deep scarlet tint paints Jimin's face, from the contact—he can’t breathe, it feels too warm inside his own skin—a tremor snakes down his spine...his eyes flutter closed.

 

Jimin knows Yoongi’s oblivious to his feelings but that doesn't stop his heart from stuttering in the other’s presence, and it sure as hell doesn’t halt the thrum, of every last nerve ending in his body on the rare occasions when the older boy touches him—like right now... _oh dear gawd!_

 

Yoongi clenches his jaw, lifting heavy lids—dark chocolate irises searching for the younger’s light hazelnut, "Sorry, Jimin...I...uhm...should have...said something..."   
  
Jimin’s eyes pop open at the sound of Yoongi’s voice, he can’t help but feel embarrassed by the older boy’s words—because he secretly wished and thought...maybe...this...time...

 

But he was pulled from his personal misery when he heard laughter coming from the doorway.  
  
Namjoon and Hoseok were still standing in the hallway—casually observing the whole affair—and Jimin’s blush darkens a couple shades... _Oh. My. God—why must my life be a flurry of most awkward moments...crap!_  
  
What made things a worse was Hoseok was well aware of Jimin's crush on the older rapper and this made the younger blonde’s close proximity to Yoongi seem alarmingly _desperate_.  
  
Yoongi's head snaps toward the doorway—eyes nailing his friends with a _no mercy_ glare—wanting nothing less than to strip the flesh from their meddling bones.  
  
When the chuckling simmers down, Namjoon glances briefly at Hoseok and nods, "A’hite hu-nggg, I...beleeev...yooou..."  
  
Before Yoongi has a chance to translate _drunk_ and analyze their odd behavior, the door slams shut, followed by a dull thud and a strange scrapping noise.  
  
Yoongi's puzzled gaze shifts to Jimin for about 20 seconds—before deduction hits him in the back of the head with a wooden canoe paddle—and he’s stumbling forward reaching toward the already closed door.  
  
The ebony-haired boy tries several times to wrench the _magic_ portal open, jiggles the knob, then finally gives up in utter frustration—only to dramatically fling his arms flat against the wood surface with a _splat_ then yells, "Mother-fucking-shit-for-friends!!!  God help your sorry fucking asses when I get the fucking hell outa here...fucking goddamn bastards!"  
  
Yoongi hears Namjoon chuckle, "Shu...da...fuk...hu-nggg...fix...yur...shhhit..."

 

The rapper didn’t have to listen very hard in order to hear the smile in Hoseok’s voice, “Hyung, look down...you can thank me later...”

  
Yoongi looks at the floor by his bare feet—witnessing several individual packets of lube and condoms being slipped under the door—he releases an audible groan as his head reattaches itself to the door, “Hyung, good luck—fighting!”

 

The cackling grows faint, signaling their departure—no doubt heading off to cause mischief and mayhem somewhere else in the world— _Jesus Christ, I hate my friends..._  
  
Yoongi's forehead thumps against the door once, twice—thoughts wrecking his brain...

_Asshole-fucking-friends!  I’m trapped in a bedroom...alone...with Jimin for the love of—Jesus, Mary and fucking Joseph!  This is bad—this is **actually** much **worse** than the word **bad** implies—this is like zombie apocalypse bad...I’m **so** screwed!  Fuck my sorry, mother fucking ass—I know I can be a fucking shit, but come on...the antichrist, seriously?  Jesus Christ universe—a speck of enlightenment here, please!  Not a goddamn ounce of respect—nowhere on this fucking plane of existence—truly sad...fuck my damned and worthless, cocksucking soul...fuck, fuck, double-fucking fuck!!!  _

Jimin had already put two and two together and knew the chair Hoseok hyung carried from the kitchen was lodged firmly beneath the outer handle of the door, wedging it tightly closed, locking him inside with Yoongi—what Jimin couldn't understand is _why_ his hyungs had gone to such drastic measures...and what was it Yoongi hyung needed to fix?  
  
The younger boy crawls around the floor on his hands and knees picking up the food containers—grateful that nothing was damaged during the fall—he places them out of the way on his left side and then sits back down, shoulders leaning against the bed, "Yoongi hyung, it’s Christmas Eve—please come eat..."  
  
Yoongi's heart skids to a halt and breath hitching painfully— _for fuck's sake it’s just food—you've eaten with Jimin a thousand times before...this is **not** a big deal!_  
  
The older boy peels his head, arms and chest from the door with an outward grunt—he was starving, couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something more substantial than protein bars and water—he turns to see Jimin pat the empty space on the floor next to him...Yoongi hesitates.

 

Jimin waits patiently, staring expectantly at him— _fuck it_ —Yoongi makes his way over to the younger boy and plops down into the spot beside him.

 

Yoongi believes Jimin’s smile is akin to staring directly into the sun—he can damn near smell his retinas burning and swears he sees feathery wisps of smoke spiraling up toward the ceiling—or maybe it’s just the _Jimin Effect_...fuck, at this point he doesn’t know or even care.

 

Jimin knew Yoongi’s preferred Chinese entrée—the one he currently held in his hand—the thing about the older boy was he didn’t feel the need to stray from what he knew, what he liked or what worked best for him...and Jimin found this to be exceedingly sexy.

 

The younger boy hands Yoongi a set of chopsticks, “Your choices are...”

 

Yoongi cuts Jimin off as he plucks the sticks from younger boy’s hand, not breaking Jimin’s gaze, “Beef and Broccoli is fine.”

 

Jimin’s heart thumps loudly—he’s a bit out of control, anxious, and about ready to crawl out of his skin—licking his lips as his mouth opens and closes like a landlocked goldfish and gasping for air, he hates it—unable to accept the lack of power over his own body when Yoongi is near...he’s so vulnerable and insecure knowing Yoongi doesn’t return his feelings, “R-right...h-here...h-hy...ung...” he stutters offering up the container.

 

Yoongi gives him the sweetest smirk, “Thanks Chim...”

 

Jimin **almost** swears out loud as he feels the heat rush to his cheeks at the mere mention of the old nickname— _Yoongi hyung’s the only one who still uses it...and only when we’re alone...why does it affect me so much?_

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

When Hoseok asked Jimin to deliver Yoongi’s food, and stay to keep the older boy company while he ate, Jimin didn’t think twice about it—he simply nodded and gave his hyung a bright smile...even though Hobi hyung knew how Jimin felt about Yoongi.

Jimin could never deny his hyungs or the maknaes anything—they were his friends, his family and his life—and he considered moment spent any of them well spent...he just wished his heart would stop doing crazy things around the beautiful rapper.  

 

Min Yoongi was unrelenting in his personal beliefs and his actions never wavered—and this, by far, allowed Jimin to touch the stars—it made the younger boy feel safe, secure and gave him a solid foundation on which to begin every morning.

 

Even when every other facet in Jimin’s hectic life remained murky and fluid, with change being the only constant, Yoongi’s presence gave Jimin stability and the courage to accept things for exactly what they were...nothing more or less.

 

Jimin was able to keep a positive attitude and mesmerizing smile locked in place—even if he was crumbling on the inside—because he knew others, like Min Yoongi, who had lived through terrible events and survived.

 

Knowing this and seeing his hyung’s strength every day and how hard he worked gave Jimin courage—to face his own fears, flaws and shortcomings—knowing the bad wouldn’t last forever.

 

He learned by watching Min Yoongi that sometimes, if surviving the day was all you could manage...than that **was** enough.

 

And other times all you needed to do was tweak your own perspective—bring the current issue into focus...so you could give the problem a fair and honest look.

 

Yoongi was a walking enigma and Jimin was his number one fan and obsessively fascinated with the older boy. 

 

One of the very first things the younger had noticed about the rapper was his faithfulness—it was as ruthless as it was blatant—he wore it like armor, protecting himself and those he cared about...but this **strength** was also his biggest **weakness**.

 

The one thing Yoongi will not abide and refused to tolerate, had _crushed_ every relationship he’d ever had—both platonic and romantic—until even the smallest infidelity, such as a _white lie_ , could wreak all manners of havoc over his personal _faith_ and threatened to pull the plug on the small well of _hope_ he kept so vigilantly guarded.

 

Yoongi’s inability to accept or advocate infidelity brings Jimin to tears every time the thoughts cloud his mind or he sees the dark shadows of the past lurking behind Yoongi’s eyes.

 

This is Min Yoongi’s only touchstone—the one he uses to assess himself...the logical reasoning behind why he considers the 23 year old version of himself to be defective, broken and beyond repair.

 

The rapper is much more lenient with others—especially the maknaes—as he comingles a variety of elements and criterion to form a true standard for his assessments and discussions with the various lifeforms inhabiting the planet.  

 

But Jimin sees invisible scars—the ones that get overlooked, the true bedrock behind the real Yoongi—they are the reasons for why he clings so tightly to his values...shape his life, his thoughts, actions...and why they occasionally manifest through his lyrics.

 

Jimin has limited knowledge with romantic relationships so he doesn’t consider himself an authority—but in the four years he’s been watching his hyung, he’s _never_ known him to be _involved_ with anyone—and although this knowledge warms his heart it grieves him even more.

 

Jimin knows Yoongi is holding back, he can see it, feel it—he fears the rapper might be too afraid to take one more chance—and this remote possibility scares the shit out of him...

 

All Jimin needs is one viable shot to make Yoongi see his own worth— _prove_ to the older boy just how deeply he’s respected and valued...and if he can...if his hyung allows him to...Jimin would like to _show_ Yoongi how much he’s loved...

 

 

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

Looking so deeply into Jimin’s hazelnut irises had Yoongi’s mind blank—nothing but chirping crickets or some other noisy-as-fuck-insect—because he couldn’t (even to save his soul from hell) think in a straight...fucking...line!

 

_And why the fuck does Jiminie always blush like this around me—I swear to Christ he does this shit on purpose just to make my cock twitch...driving me fucking crazy!_

 

Yoongi’s gaze tracks the red tint as it creeps slowly down the younger’s neck, ducking below the extra-wide collar of his sky blue Christmas sweater—Yoongi’s fingers itch to unwrap the younger male slowly, deliberately—see how far down the blush has spread, and perhaps it’d be fun to encourage its intensity and progression...maybe just a little.

 

The ebony-haired boy blinks his eyes hard and stretching his neck to one side then the other—willing away the intrusive thoughts—it doesn’t help...Jimin’s heated gaze pins the rapper’s eyes as soon as he opens them.

 

It makes Yoongi feel like Jimin’s been here before—thought about this moment a hundred times—maybe made his mind up, ready and willing...but still waiting on Yoongi to figure it all out.  

 

And as the younger boy’s gaze searches the depths of the rapper’s soul, Yoongi aches to kiss Jimin—wanting the blonde dancer to save him...because he was falling...again.

 

And this time, Yoongi was sure there was a bottom and if Jimin didn’t catch him—falling from this height, at this speed would surely kill him—or at least, put him in the goddamn hospital for a week.

 

Yoongi breaks their gaze for less than a second to set his broccoli and chopsticks on the floor and out of the way—but when he looks up Jimin’s head is turned in the opposite direction—he's wiping choppily at his face... _tears?_  
  
The rapper can feel the crushing aura shrouding Jimin—the younger boy is distraught— _fuck...can he possibly think I turned away as a refusal...guess I should find out..._

 

“How long?” he whispered.

_What if Jimin actually likes me?_  
  
Yoongi's a bit shocked—how had he NOT noticed this—as focused on Jimin as he’s been over the years...

_How the fuck could I miss the single, most important fact in both our lives?_

 

Jimin clears his throat and plasters on a fake smile—his voice is a broken whisper and he’s looking down...still fighting tears, "H-how long...f-for w-what...hyung?"

  
Yoongi lays his palm on Jimin's cheek to guide the younger boy's gaze up to his, "How long have you felt like this?"

  
And with that one question comes a deeper blush, and a quivering lip followed quickly by a steady stream of tears—but no words, his voice lost to emotions.  
  
Yoongi gently wipes at the tiny rivulets of saline as he watches the younger’s soul bleed—raw wound, opening further with every raspy intake of air—and Yoongi’s heart breaks at the sight...his hand resting against the younger’s face, thumb absently strumming over the boy’s flushing skin.  
  
The younger boy tries to speak once, twice, but his words don't come easily—he blinks hard and swallows—eyes darting around, unfocused and blinking against tears as he tries again, "It's f-fine hyung...p-please...d-don't..."

 

His words end in a breathy hiccup and Yoongi's hand dips into silken blonde hair wanting to steady him—but Jimin’s eyes snap up to meet Yoongi’s responding to the intimate touch—the younger tries to finish his previous thought as he stumbles over the words as shivers ripple through his body, "D-don’t...be...b-burdened..."

 

Jimin shakes his head trying to clear it—he licks his lips through breathy pants as tiny noises spill from his lips...pushing Yoongi over the edge, “Chim, Jesus...stop...”

 

Yoongi leans forward pressing his lips to Jimin’s mouth—urgent, needy...so fucking desperate to taste the younger boy, “G-gawd...Chim...”  
  
Jimin releases a breathy moan against Yoongi's lips, "H-hy-ung..."   
  
Yoongi's heart squeezes so hard it hurts and he has pulls back resting their foreheads together leaving the older gasping for air and words, "G-gawd...so goddamn...intense...”   
  
Jimin’s fingers curl into Yoongi's shirt, "I...n-need...you..."  
  
Yoongi groans as he crushes his mouth to Jimin's, fingers digging deeper into the younger's scalp and tongue slicking over Jimin's bottom lip—begging, pleading...fucking needing everything...all at once.  
  
Jimin opens his wet cavern for the older boy moaning, "Oh, hy-ung...gawd...f-fuck..."  
  
The younger fidgets on the floor needing something— _hyung...yes-yes...Yoongi...more..._  
  
Jimin moves to straddle Yoongi's lap not breaking the kiss—he rubs his hard length against the older boy's thigh...

 

Yoongi breaks he kiss panting heavily, "Jesus, Chim...you’re scaring the...absolute fuck...outa me..."  
  
The rapper's hands skim down Jimin's back to his waist locking their hips together as his head falls back against the bed trying to clear his head for one goddamn second, "Listen...I c-can't do...relationships...I’m just..."  
  
Jimin's hands still as whine squeaks from his throat and he stares at Yoongi, "Ahng...w-what...I don't...do hookups, hyung...I...I thought you knew that..." 

  
Yoongi blinks hard then bites his bottom lip, "I **do** know—that’s not what I meant...at all!”

 

Jimin’s eyes tear up as attempts to pull away shaking his head hiccupping in a broken whisper, “N-no...no...I-I c-can’t d-do that...hyung...d-don’t ask me to...”

 

Yoongi tugs Jimin into his chest, “ **Stop** , just listen— _please_!  I’d never ask you that!  Chim, fuck!  I c-can’t do this **halfway** with you!  I want **you**... _all_ of you.  But, I’m possessive!  And I’m jealous—I won’t ever be able to let you go.  You’ll want your freedom...time with friends...and I’ll **try** to give you that...but I’ll fail miserably!  Every...single...time!  I will smother you...and I won’t know it...even after you tell me...I **won’t** be able to stop.  You’ll eventually resent it...hate me...you will leave.  And I’m too deep...I...gawd, Chim!  I’m so fucked here...I...love you...so much...already..."  
  
Tears are slipping freely down Jimin's cherry-red cheeks as he pulls back to let his small hands frame Yoongi's face, tiny thumbs pressing urgently against trembling lips, "Hyung...p-please...don't cry...I know all that!  I've watched you...for years.”

 

“I **want** that...from you.  God, I **need** that _exact_ relationship...with **you**!  I **need** you to be like that **with** me.”

 

“I...thought...you never **saw** me...never **looked** my way.  I didn’t think you could feel...me.  The way you looked _around_ me, _away_ from me.  I never saw you look _at_ me... _want_ me.  Not the way I wanted you...needed you. God, hyung...for years...three, four... **so** long.”

 

“I spent all my time watching you give everything...without any return.  I ached to hold you, touch you.  I wanted to be the one to make you smile...laugh...needing so desperately to hold you at night...make love to you...give back one ounce...of what you give away every day.  And still...I want to give you everything...all of me.  **_I_** want to be that _one_ person _you_ can’t live without.  The _only_ one you crave...the _poison_ in your blood...never getting enough.”

 

“But you threw yourself...into your work.  You shut me out...didn’t let me in...I couldn't get to you.  And so I watched...from a distance...and I learned everything I could about you.  Because I tried...hyung, I tried so hard not to...but I could stop it...I didn’t know how...to stop it.  I still don’t know...”

 

“How do you stop, hyung?  Stop loving someone?  If they don’t love you back...never will...how do you stop it?”

 

“And so I didn’t...I let happen.  I fell without a net...and it hurt.  And still, after all this time...it hurts.  I don’t think I’ll ever stop falling, hyung.  I feel it every day...I feel _you_...in my veins...for years...it’s wrong...but I fell...anyway...”

 

“I’ve cried myself to sleep every night...thinking of you.  Wishing you would find someone, thought I could move on...but dying at the thought...because in my heart...you’re mine.  I was sure you’d never love me...but believed...as long as you didn’t belong to another...you were mine.  And my feelings...they didn’t matter because no one knew...until Hobi hyung, last year.”

 

Yoongi scrunches Jimin’s cheeks with his hands kissing his eyes, cheeks and lips, “Chim, I’m so sorry.  I was doing the same thing.  I didn’t want to hurt you...I’ve hurt others...not meaning to.  I’m dreadful at relationships.  Honest to Christ...I’m the worst.  I work too much, I forget anniversaries...birthdays...hell, I don’t remember holidays most of the time.”

 

“Me...wanting you...is selfish.  You...will lose so much of yourself...regret so much and in such a short time...because I truly don’t have anything of value to give you.  God, Chim!  Jesus. Christ.  I wish I did!  I wish I wasn’t so fucking pathetic with emotions and relationships...and f-fuck...life in general!”

 

“There isn’t anyone else—hasn’t been for...God, years—just you...only...you.  You’re that special voice in my head.  You understand me...reach me.  Fuck, you’re always with me even if I can’t see you or be near you.  I...have...never had that...I’ve never known what it was like to be so close to someone...finish sentences...kind of read their mind, ya know?  And...I really liked it...that connection to another human being...I...f-fuck...Chim...”

 

“I would...give you everything!  Every star in the heavens.  I would stop time for you...make it perpetual autumn...because that’s your favorite season...and it would be a special gift just for you...because...you love me.”

 

“But...I can’t do any of that...I’m not special.  I don’t have special powers or connections to anyone who does.  I am just a man...a stupid man who doesn’t know any better...because I fell in love with an angel...and f-fuck, fuck!  I can’t even be the one person **you** need...the one who deserves you!  How can I be...when I know it’ll be me...the one to fucks it up in the end?  And you deserve so much more than that...I can’t ask you to give up everything for me...I won’t!  Not knowing what I’m like and how it’ll end...I c-can’t.  I...I love you too much and I’m...not...worth...it!” 

 

They’re both a seething cesspool of emotions and saline and yet Jimin hasn’t been this happy in years as he presses his trembling lips to Yoongi’s, “Hyung, you can say all those horrible things...try to scare me away...or change my mind...and I’ll listen to your words.  But there’s a flaw in your theory, hyung.”

 

“See...you give a litany of atrocious things...and follow it up with _I love you_.  So how can I be intimidated by your inventory...the past...old fears...or any other baggage we both bring into this relationship...because by saying those words we’ve already wiped the slate clean.”

 

“It’s okay to be frightened, anxious...even tired...but it’s _not_ ok to say **those** words and then back away or refuse to try...that’s not acceptable, hyung...and you know it.  You...don’t get to say those words to me—after I’ve waited _four_ _fucking_ years to hear them from _your_ mouth...you don’t get to walk off into the goddamn sunset **without me**.  I’m sorry...but that is **not** a possibility at this time...and I _won’t_ let it happen.  And _you,_ Min Yoongi... _you_ will just have to choose _another_ option...”

 

Yoongi’s voice is weak, quivering with emotions he can’t control, “Chim...I...”

 

“Look hyung, I may be younger than you but I do know this world and all of its inhabitants aren’t perfect...that nothing in life is guaranteed...but even so we _do_ have a few special tools available to help us along our journey...like faith...and hope...love and forgiveness.  And...if those doesn’t speak directly to your heart then maybe this will... _’there’s no such thing as useless life experience.’”_  

 

Yoongi looks at Jimin curiously, “W-where did you h-hear that?”

 

Jimin tucks his face into the crook of Yoongi’s neck, loops his arms around the boy’s shoulders, “I was in the closet...the day you told Tae to confess to Kookie...”

 

Yoongi wraps his weary arms around Jimin releasing a frustrated sigh, “The c-closet, uh?”

 

Jimin pulls back quickly glaring at Yoongi, “Hyung, _don’t you dare_ make this into a gay joke!  Taehyung pushed me...”

 

Yoongi laughs, rolling his eyes as he cuts Jimin off with a kiss and lowers him gently to the floor on his back, “I’m bisexual...not stupid...hmm?” as Yoongi bites and licks Jimin’s neck.

 

Jimin chuckles laughing, “Hyung! I brought food...”

 

“Shhh...I’m trying my best to eat...but someone keeps interrupting me...” Yoongi mutters as he pushes Jimin’s sweater up, tugging it over his head catching the younger’s lips.

 

“Hy...ung...we should...hmm...w-wait...”

 

Yoongi licks into Jimin’s mouth, “Yah Chim...four years... **is**...long enough!”   

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to All And To All A Good Night!  
> ^__^ PJ Moon


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